"and the girl sat on a footstool and slid her foot into the sparkling crystalline slipper that sat waiting in front of her.
she was hoping very much that it would fit, but it was half an inch to small. she squished her toes and tried to make her foot smaller, but it would not go all the way in.
"your shoes are too little," she said, a little disappointed.
"i'm not your princess after all."
and the boy, who was watching her all the time, wiped the cinders from her cheeks. he looked into her eyes, and gave a little laugh.
"but you are," he said.
happy, happy 22nd birthday to the one who makes me feel like i'm his princess, with my big feet and cinder face and all.
i love you. 
a great aunt died last november 1. i don't know her very well, and the little that i know about her are not all good things. and yet it's always sad when someone dies. no matter how little you know about that person.
her death made me think of a few things that i've never really thought about before. like, when people cry for someone, do they cry because it really hurts them, or because they think they should?
or why do people pray a lot for those who are remembered good and nice, when those who have hurt a lot of people needs it more?
it bothers me to think that my great aunt died conscious, without even the numbness of a comatose to take away her pain. i think of how much she must have suffered till the very end, and this thought has kept me up for hours for a few days now.
i think of how i would feel if it had been me, with the people i love crying and i can't do anything to comfort them any more.
i don't really believe in regret. when i die, i want people to come because they really love me and would miss me. not because they think it's the proper thing to do. that they would take the time to come to my wake and my burial not because they are embarassed not to show up, but because they really do want to say one last goodbye.
i realized how old i am when a met with long lost cousins and relatives and i saw that the kids i used to change diapers and carry about are now big enough to carry me.
and the change of username is because of that stalker who just won't quit (all together now--what a loser!). i kind of set it up as a decoy, and it's bound to keep that little prick occupied for a while, at least until her puny brain finally figured it out and tracked me down again.
and i really, really want to set up my own domain name. 
