Paradise Philippines

i'm sorry, dearies, if you thought such pathetic insults will get to me, you thought wrong.  sorry kayo, hindi ako vain eh. hahaha. and, by golly, pati ba naman love life ko nun, inungkat nyo pa. how flattering. may groupie nanaman ako. isa pa, kelan pa naging loser ang pagiging tapat? no wonder you're all sticking together. apparently, you, just like your friend kassey, share the same values--or more accurately, the same lack of them. i wouldn't be at all surprised if you also slash your wrists just so your boyfriend wouldn't leave you. *smirk* oops. no pun intended.

nakakaboring naman kayong kaaway. wala na ba kayong mapipintas?

oh, well. sabi nga ni joni: "INGGIT LANG KAYO!"

salamat sa lahat ng sumuporta samin. mahal ko kayo, pramis.

daddy, wag na silang patulan, okay? miss you na. love you pa.

there are benefits to being a webhosting tech support agent. you learn things.  i.e. you learn how to trace people. ANG LAKING pagkakamali mo at nagtag ka sa site ko. nalaman ko tuloy kung sino ka. ayokong sabihing pathetic ka, pero wala ako maisip na ibang adjective na mas appropriate sayo. promise.

isa pa: bago nyo ko sabihan na hindi dapat ako nakekelam, siguraduhin nyong kayang nyo ring gawin ah. dahil kung hindi nyo rin naman kayang mag BUTT OUT, eh nakakatawa naman. boyfriend ko yun eh. pake mo kung gusto ko sya pagtanggol? sorry ka. ganun ako eh. at siguraduhin mo rin na wala kong kinalaman ah. baka kasi ikaw ang walang kaalam-alam, mapahiya ka pa.

daddy and i watched XMEN: The Last Stand last saturday. XMEN, if you don't know, are my favorite superheroes. the movie version, imean. i don't like comics all that much. the reason for this is that i find their story much more believable than the others: genetic mutation, well, who knows? maybe one day this would really be possible.

the one i liked best in the movie was, of course, Jean Grey. easily the most powerful, she lets no one screw her up. she messed around with professor x and magneto and none of them could tame her. amazing.

i like power. i really do. i like being powerful, although i'm not sure that i'll ever handle it well. right now, i feel angry enough to say that this anger could easily turn to power. the question is, could i control it? 

i'm not angry because of the stupid petty insults some people (someone?) is throwing at me, because that is just plain retarded. i'm angry because this situation is something that should've died long long ago, and it would have been dead if not for some girl(s?) trying to relive what, for us at least, has been a dead issue.

so this will be the last time we will ever pay attention to this.

no one is gonna believe me when i say this, but when Lo and I started getting reacquainted (during the 1st semester of our senior year), i honestly have no intentions of falling in love and causing trouble and all that. really. it's just that it was our last year, and we've been avoiding each other since our freshmen year (don't ask why, it's another long story), i just thought that it might be a good time to patch things up. so i started talking to him and i got his number. this was where it all started (and that's also another long story, so i'll stop here).

i had no idea what i was in for.

being with him taught me how it felt to be truly loved, what it takes to let your guard down even when you're so scared of getting hurt, what it means to stand by your decisions even when everyone else id against it, how to stay calm and patient when someone is blowing up at you. it has been hard, the hardest relationship i've ever been in. and it was because of this also, in my opinion, that this has been the best relationship i've had.

i won't elaborate. i don't need to pour out all the gory details just to prove that i'm happy, because i know that i am. when my officemates and i were all grumbling about how training is kicking all of our asses, our instructor showed us this webpage made by the previous batch. on the home page, in big golden letters, it said "In training, we are like swords being forged. The harder the training, the sharper the sword."

so yeah, as cliche as it sounds, it made me think. you all know me. i don't know if you'll get it, but as i've told him the other night, all these troubles are actually making our relationship deeper and stronger.

we're sharper than ever now.

i just want to properly thank the people who supported me/us through all these. i won't mention names, i'm not so desperate to prove that i have support from other people to do that. but i do want to thank you. you all know who you are, whether it was through text or a comment or a tag, i really thank you. thank you so much.

and of course, to my dad. thanks for defending me. i love you so much.

the simplest, yet in my opinion, the sweetest thing he's ever written for me. i remember asking him, early in our relationship, to give me "yung totoong testi". i want to know if he sees "my little things", and if those little things makes him fall for me even more. i remember telling myself that we are not made alike, that perhaps, poetry is his way.

kung anuman ang hinahanap ko sa kanya non, sobrang nararamdaman ko na ngayon.

LOOKING BACK..

daddy surprised me with this last friday:

that was taken back in our third year. hindi pa kami at may mga kanya kanyang buhay. dati, kasama jan si hanne eh. niputol ni daddy, kamusta naman. at may binura pa sya jan. hehe. i still have the original version of that in my gallery. we were going around the classroom, taking pics with everyone (yeah, yeah, camwhores), and my very nice classmates, never missing an oppotunity to tease us were all "sige nga, kung friends lang talaga kayo, picture nga". nyahahah. so here we go. i think this photo even got him in trouble. hahaha. ganun talaga eh.

and he gave me a photocopy of the signature campaign that our classmates circulated when he just broke up with his ex. i remember looking for it after class, wanting to keep it, kamusta naman tinago nya pala. hehehe.

it's nice to look back.

GROUPIE UPDATE:

the lastest and so far the cheapest insult she could come up with:

"wala sa qualities mo ang dapat kainggitan. panget ka, mahirap, potang ugali, nagmamagaling..o di ba? ano kaiinggitan sayo ng tao?"

panget ako: okay lang. di rin naman ako nagagandahan sayo. haha.

mahirap: okay lang din. totoo naman, at hindi ko naman kailanman kinahiya. being poor taught me what money's worth, and what it's not, and also to think about others before i think of myself.  besides, there are only a few material things that can make me happy (computers, books, gifts and letters from daddy), and i have (access to) all of them. i'm as content as i could ever be.

potang ugali: sabagay, mejo tama ka (ikaw naman, ang hilig mo sa half-truths). ang buong katotohanan nyan eh sumasama lang ang ugali ko sa mga taong katulad mo (linya ni hanne, peram naman).

nagmamagaling: huh? kelan?

anong kaiingitan sayo ng tao: wala. wala rin naman kasi kong kinaiingitang iba. i believe that everyone has their own blessings, even people like you. that is, if you're smart enough to figure em out.

babayu, fan!

thanks naman sa entry mo. dinedicate mo pa talaga sakin. how touching.

paalam kups! long overdue na yang pananahimik mo, salamat naman talaga sa Diyos at napagdesisyunan mo yan. Nasiyahan ako sa pakikipag away sayo. masarap manalo eh. yummy.

REQUEST NI JANYN

cute cute ni daddy. sobrang sweet pa. at matalino. dabest talaga. ewan ko ba. kaya sobrang bitter nung nireject mo eh. apir tayo.

ala. wala na kong masabi. siguro masyado kong masaya kasi finally, after almost one year, wala ng manggugulo samin. tears of joy ito.

kaya tong entry na to, wag nyo na lang pansinin. outlet outletan ko lang naman. masaya lang talaga ko. FREENG FREE na kasi si daddy ko. makakatambay kami sa house nila ng walang nagpapacute, at kung tototohanin ng ex nya yung sinabi nya (na parang malabo pero malay natin), wala na kaming kabwibwisitan kasi wala ng eepal epal ng patago. cool yun diba?

just wanna congratulate daddy for keeping a cool head through all these. kung kilala niyo lang sya, mabibighani kayo sa behavior na pinakita nya. mainitin kasi ulo nyan dati eh. konting provocation, sumasabog na. pero, inapakapakan na sya at trying hard na pinagmukhang tanga (di naman successful, belat) pero calm pa rin. galing galing.

saya ko talaga. grabe.

can't wait for saturday.

[edit]

may nadiskubre ako. at sigurado ako, pag nakita nyo yun, malalaman nyo ang tunay na kahulugan ng katagang LAUGH TRIP. at ng PATHETIC. at makakakita kayo ng isang true-to-the-bone PATHOLOGICAL LIAR. o liar lang, period. saka ng isang PRETENDING SCHIZOPHRENIC hahahhahaha. kupal.

my taggers never fail to flatter me, because they never, ever fail to VALIDATE MY FAME. *blows kisses to the groupie(s)*

i've noticed, people who continously insult you with "panget", etc., they're the ones who are actually.. hehe. nevermind. wala ng ibang maipintas.

my defenders, though i don't know em, have way more class than she does. hehehe. btw, i've decided to take your advices.

[/edit]

gad! these/this tagger(s) have got to be getting something that all of us are missing. like, i don't know, the point?

let them be, you guys. i'm grateful for all your support, to those who text/tag/commented here, also to those who tagged her, trying to defend us. thanks a lot. as you can see, there really is no point arguing with people who obviously has IQs a digit shorter than the average person.  i mean, "cute ba mukhang yan? haller wa ka ka-taste taste! mas cute pa burat ng aso kesa sa muka ng shoting mo. sa bgay ang panget ay para sa panget ampupu"? ahahahhahahahah. ang corny. aside from the fact that this tagger is so stupid she doesn't even bother hiding her idiosyncrasies (and makes her identity uber obvious without me even trying to trace her), her insults are just plain idiotic.

so if they are waiting for me to blow up from annoyance or something, sorry to disappoint. 1st of all, it takes more than that. hahaha. throw me something i'll actually get affected by. something actually intellectually challenging, please. i'm doubtful they can manage that, but who knows. also, di ako pumapatol sa idiots eh.  this is just too easy.

well, anyway. enough of those losers.

i'm enjoying work. a lot of my batchmates think that call center jobs are brain-deadening, or something like that. and i must say, in some aspects, they are right. not in all cases though, and especially not our case. hahaha. and i was one of those who thought that this would be easy money. i had no idea.

one of the things a gained here: enhancing my oral communication skills. that has always been my weakest point, the reason why i get turned down for clubs and jobs i know i was qualified for. interview time used to be the death of my dreams. ha-ha. i stutter, i twiddle my thumbs, i falter over my words. and it's not because i don't know english. nerves, my friends. i lack that.

not anymore though. you can't speak english for 8 hours every fucking day and not get used to it. i'm pretty sure i wanna stay here for promotion (that IT position really looks good to me), but well, when i change my mind and decide to leave, at least i know i won't have a problem with interviews anymore. it is a definite plus.

and yeah, the fact that i get to soak my head in internet 8 hours everyday, freak/geek that i am, i'm content at this job than i could ever be. and the money doesn't hurt either.

malapit na kaming mag 10 months. at dahil maraming sumusuporta samin dito, we have all of you guys to thank for. we've been through quite a lot this month. and it won't be the same without you guys greeting us every month, and egging us on.

he's sick. di tuloy kami nakanood ng cars last week. so i came to nurse him instead. hopefully gumaling na sya, para matuloy na yung date namin. gusto ko ng Cars na mini na free sa mga cereal (bibigay ko sa kanya, mahilig kasi sya sa mga toys eh). kaya lang ang mahal naman ng cereals eh.

di na ko nakakanood ng tv. gad, i even miss those stupid teleseryes i love making fun of.

next week, i will have a different schedule. still graveyard. the thing is, i kind of got used to graveyard already. one thing, means more money for me. it's not a lot, but for folks like me who don't have much at all, 1 thousand or so extra bucks really help. good thing that i have the second best schedule adherance record.  i got to choose the schedule that about three of us were clamoring for. my rest days for my new sched would be fridays and saturdays. that means, i get to rest on friday, have a date with daddy on saturdays without being all tired and sleepy (for once), spend all day with my mom on sundays before going to work at night. not to mention i can experience the down time during weekends (as much as 6 hours between calls) which means more internet browsing time. AND the fact that we are the only account that has the most lenient SURF CONTROL (access to webpages) really is so cool.

the supervisors and some of the older reps here are always making fun of me. hahaha. when they hear me taking calls they always make me laugh while talking to the customer and goes "ayun..vet rep na..marunong ng mang BS" and then i would shot back "natutunan ko lang yan sa inyo no". ha-ha.

i have no idea how important emails and websites are to business till now. and sometimes it gives you a great feeling when you solve their problems and they become so grateful for your time. and do you know how kindness really helps make someone's day better? i learned that too. a simple thank you could do so much.

i want to put up a website of my own, hopefully soon. (hey, riz, what happened to your space?) nothing much, just something to put random stuff in.

i don't really care how many taggers come by and used such profound and well-thought of insults at my tagboard anymore, intellectually challenged fools.  all i care about is that his ex is out(?) of our lives, finally. good enough for me.

saturday is date day. ya-hoo. Cars, here we come. monthsary celebration tommorow.

"One thing I've learned, the poem isn't always about insight or meaning. Sometimes it just IS: the image all glorious in its clarity because of its being, not meaning."

-Angelo Suarez, 22 Under 22 article

i have never been a poet and i don't fancy pretending to be one. but daddy is, and i for one knows how seriously he takes his craft. i'm happy that he is finally trying something, experimenting with poetry because i've always believed that he can be so much more--if he'd only try. daddy has been meeting quite a few resistance regarding his poetry lately. i have nothing against people sharing opinions. i never held back mine, anyway. and i'm proud of him because he stood by what he believed in, what he felt was right. as i've told him last earlier, writing could never really be perfected. there will always be room for improvement. and the fact that he is trying something else means that he is improving, whether he succeeds or not. it's better to try and fail than to stagnate, in my opinion.  go, dad.

extended training is oficially over. we ended our last week by going out last saturday (before i met up with daddy). i wasn't supposed to come, since i was really anxious to have my date already. *grins* but i couldn't get out of it. banatan ka ba naman ng supervisor mo ng "oh, sagot ko 500 basta sasama si coca" (coca, btw, is kinda like their pet name for me. log in name ko kasi yun, eh naaliw sila masyado. haha. ) syempre yung batchmates ko, basta libre diba. so mejo maramiraming threats yung naexperience ko nung sat. umalis pa rin ako ng maaga. i didn't drink, although my batchmates tried 50 different tactics to get me to do it. hehe. good ako eh. saka ayaw ko talaga lasa ng alcoholic drinks. yuck. it's nice to be in wh. i learn a lot of tricks with internet and computers. like, how to get around internet surfing blocks. hehehe.

we're literally on our own now. kumbaga, ganap na tier 1 na .

saturday was a blast. he was right. it really was the best day the calendar has to offer. di namin napanood cars. wala sa sm manila eh, bad trip. nag the american haunting kami. hala walang katao tao. as in ang konti lang. lao tuloy akong natakot. nyaks.

sometimes, i think i wouldn't get thru the week if i don't have saturday to look forward to.

i watched a couple of things last night that kind of irritated me. do you know jolina magdangal dresses her dogs with clothes and shoes and stuff? i don't think the girl knows the meaning of moderation. i'm a pet lover myself, so don't think i hate dogs or anything. i just don't think it's right to treat dogs like humans when they are not.humans.at.all. it's one thing to give them room and baby them, but putting on sunglasses and shoes and hats, and umbrellas? pfft. i don't think the dogs were all that happy wearing those stupid things. but then, going overboard is something jolina proved she's good at. hay nako.

it seems like my long-ago plans of moving (blogs) will finally pull through. i'm really getting tired of this endless bitter ex-girlfriend drama, and also the fact that i can't post what i want without hearing at least one "remark"/gossip about it (given that almost half of my batchmates are also in tabulas) is really starting to annoy me. comments from virtual friends and non-friends are one thing, but comments from people you actually know personally can get kind of grating especially when you think that the closest thing to a conversation you've ever done with that person is a 5-second "hello". nothing against them though. i just want it to stop, that's all.

plans are already underway. and i can say i'm quite happy about it. before going home from our saturday date we crawled around books looking for a catchy new username, and laughed at the bunch of cheesy stuff we came up with. nyaha. grabe, excited nanaman akong mag layout. too bad i can't download illustrator and photoshop from here. and i am pushing through one of my personal aims. baduy, pero shit. i'm actually happy doing it. just like he is because he's doing what he wants, though a lot of people criticize him for it. well belat nalang sa kanilang lahat. nyaha. wala akong kasing baduy.

alangya. i missed school suddenly. not the classes, they make me puke. (harharhar), but the all-around kulitan, friends, tambay sa field at night with two of the bestest bestfriends in the world (Joey and Daddy), gazing at stars and just talking about life. syempre super long dine-ins sa mini-stop P.Noval kahit na pop at chippy lang ang order namin. mahirap ng gawin yun ngayon. i hardly even have time to clip my fingernails anymore, much just go out and chill.

i can't believe i'm saying this, but really. i even miss writing.

kaya kayo, treasure student life ha! mamimiss nyo yan. pramis.