i have got to start blogging more.
lately, days seem to be running together for me, that if not for some special occassions *ehem9thmonthsaryehem!*, i would be totally clueless about dates, days, weeks. i'm not really sure if this is the effect of constant GY shifts, or the result of virtually no TV for almost a month.
i want my sense of time and memory back.
sorry for being such a party pooper,but i really don't see what's the freaking big deal about a group of Filipinos climbing Mt. Everest. i mean, sure, it must have taken them years and years of training and all, but, c'mon. all these hype are really getting to their heads. there must be something about the Everest air that blew their egos up. sheesh.
and the press, by golly, are like "and climber no1 is now walking towards the top of the mountain, he's taking a step, ladies and gentlemen, and the Philippine flag is now at the top of the world, and, wait a moment climber no2 is actually the 1st one to reach the peak! can you belive that? whoa!" and i would be like, so what, freak face?
here, dear friends, you can see how incredibly and predictably fickle showbusiness, even news reports, really are. none of these reporters cared when these mountaineers were just training, with no help whatsoever from the government or the media, but here they are, suddenly their biggest fans.
and to call them heroes? i believe the appropriate expression here would be "going too far". heroes? heroes? for climbing a mountain? they did it all for glory.
a lot of people die everyday for much more noble reasons. for truth. for justice. for faith.
or maybe i am just too cynical (idealistic?) for my own good.
i just bought my first big purchase with my own money. it's not much, and there are about 175 places that i can distribute the money to, but wtf. i just wanted to treat myself a little.
you know how it feels like when, as young as 12, you've sworn never to let something happen to you as you cry in a dark corner and then when history repeats itself, you're just too chicken to stand by what you said?
i know you want me to forget this, and i will. this, i promise to you. it could be the best gift that i can give you right now, and knowing that is reason enough to try.
i'll forget this. in time.
it's been 9 silly/crazy/wonderful months. hardly anything is perfect at all, but all this doesn't scare me away. besides, perfect is boring. 
i will stay. i will stay not only because it's never been my style to walk away, but because i want to be with you. cliche-ish, may be, but i believe its what the phrase for better or for worse is invented for.
i'm holding on to your promises.
i will keep all of mine.
happy ninth monthsary, daddy.
i love you very much. 
-------------------------------------
the da vinci code was great. so great that within 20 minutes of the (pirated) movie, i was already snoring. ha-ha.
good thing i only wasted 30 pesos on that crap. it's so shitty i was literally in tears--i can't stop yawning. and i can't see what the big deal was all about, why all those religious(?) groups were wasting time, effort and energy being all dramatic screaming at the injustice that is the showing of the damned movie--by golly, some of them even went so far as burning copies of the book. can you spell NAZI??? if they didn't want it, they should've given it to me. sometimes i think these rally people are in it for the show--tv coverage and all that. shouldn't they know by now that the surefire way to make sure that every single Filipino will indeed watch the movie is by banning it? Dan Brown must be worshipping them by now--they definitely helped the ticket sales.
it's fiction, guys. fiction. if you think a three hour movie is that powerful to mislead your supposed-to-be-faithful people, then maybe it's about time you took a look at the way you're running the religion. after all, if they've been catholics all their lives, they all should know better than get swayed by 300 something pages of a measly book. perhaps the quite obvious and overly dramatic display of insecurity is deeply rooted to something--a lapse on the church's part to educate their people and strengthen their faith properly maybe?
PS: i hope i don't get sued for this. ha-ha.
and karen davila is getting more and more annoying everyday. my professor once wrote this article entitled Pornography in Television, citing her fondness to ask "anong nararamdaman mo?" during interviews. karen denied that observation.
my mom and i were watching that new show in ABS shown every saturday, expose or something, and karen is one of the hosts. they were featuring this autistic girl who was sexually abused by her father and in fact, is pregnant because of that. as the documentary went on, it was revealed that an older sister has in fact suffered the same fate as her younger sister (she already gave birth to the result of that abuse), and opted to serve as a maid to escape the hell that was their house. now karen, who was interviewing the older sister very lovingly asked: "anong nararamdaman mo?" pfft. eh kung siya kaya yung maanakan ng tatay nya at magkaron ng anak/kapatid? parang kape, 2-in-1. shet. matuwa kaya sya?
ibang klase.
finally. i can visit my boyfriend without feeling like i have to look over my shoulder constantly. he's completely FREE.
you have no idea how much better we both feel about that.
work has been a big pain in the you-know-what lately. i'm getting better, learning new things about the internet, making friends, but shit, once a week?
damn, i miss him so much.
-------------------------------------
"when people are insulting you, there is nothing so good as to look at them--just look at them and think. when people fly into a rage they say things they regret afterward. when you will not fly into a rage, people know you're stronger than they are, because you are strong enough to hold it in, and they are not. there's nothing so strong as rage, except what makes you hold it in--that's stronger."
--A Little Princess, by Fraces Hodgson Burnett*
sometimes, reading these children's books will do you some good. they just kinda pop out at the most appropriate moment--make you stop and think.
it made me grateful. i was this close to flying off--and i stopped myself just in time. everyone knows how incredibly timid i could be. but everyone who knows me well knows that i'm not always like that. i could take all the beating but when someone i love gets hurt--that's when all my bad sides show. and i can be driven by slightly demonic forces when that happens. no one steps over my loved ones and gets away with it.
i'm sure that's something all of you can understand.
*thanks, aa, for the correction. i'm having a hard time keeping all the books i've read straight. nyahaha.
i helped them move. well, just a little, but it was fun. we went through all his stuff--i never realized what a pack rack my boyfriend really is. hehehe. all of his cards, comics, everything, were like, organized into these neat little albums. he's such a freak (i mean that in a good way daddy ). or maybe everyone's organized and i'm the only one who's not, so maybe i'm the freak. whatever. we're both freaks in love.
the real fun began when i found his baby album. it was all there--when he first talked, what he says, his first words. so cute. and i think it's just plain adorable that he used to pray "sunugin niyo po ang big mamo at ang magnanakaw" everynight.
i like their new house. it has more air and light, and we could breathe more freely.
and of course, wala ng big mamo. *smirk*
on to other things. please indulge me further.
he's a difficult guy. he's possesive, demanding, overly jealous, and he sees only me--yes, that is a good quality but it works against me too--sometimes it leaves me little to no room for breathing.
i could list out a litany of how we began and why we are meant for each other, but i'd rather save my breath and your time. besides, you could read snippets of that in his blog.
my point here is simple:
he's moved on. you say you have too, so what? you think we still care? sure, maybe i cared--then. not anymore. we learned to be happy inspite of everything we've been through. i've kept my silence out of plain respect for his parents, knowing how they don't want further issues. but this time, i think they'll understand.
magkwekwento ka nalang hindi mo pa binuo. truth? half-truth kamo. ginawa mo syang tanga? o eh ano naman? masaya na siya ngayon. masaya na kami. pero dahil gusto mo naman yatang pag-usapan yung katangahan, bakit hindi mo kinwento yung ikaw naman ang nagmumukang tanga sa kanya?
:: hindi ba nagkulong ka pa sa cabinet niyo at nagngangangawa dahil ayaw ka na niyang puntahan? saan sa parte ng pag-amin mo yun? saan dun yung nagmamakaawa ka ng makipagbalikan sa kanya, eh kaso ayaw na niya? sorry din ah. that's layp eh.
:: saka ano yung tanong mo? kung alam nyang ka text mo si jette? edi ba ikaw pa nga mismo yung umamin? bilis mo namang makalimot. papaalala ko sayo. naiyak ka pa nga dahil wala na siyang pakialam eh. "bakit okay lang? huhuhu.."
:: teka, may nakalimutan ka pa nga pala. ginamit mo pa nga yang boyfriend mo na mahal mo dahil sabi ni karlo na pagod na sya sayo. "eh si jette kaya, mapapagod din?"
:: text ka pa nga ng text, namamasyal pa naman kami. pa i love you i love you pa. pathetic nga eh, pero naintindihan naman kita. kaya kahit siniraan mo pa ako/kami sa mga kaibigan ko pinabayaan na lang kita. tutal naranasan ko na rin namang mareject. empathy kumbaga.
:: pasensya ka dahil hindi lang ako nakakita ng text mo. sorry, chismoso't chismosa rin mga classmate ko eh. ha-ha. "pano kung i can't change without you, because you're my weakness and my strength?" aw. how cute. bordering on desperate, pero cute pa rin.
nahihiya ka? hindi mo kayang aminin sa mundo na kaya ka rin palang pagmukaing tanga ng inaasahang mong habangbuhay na magpapakagago sayo? o hindi kinaya ng ego mo na pagtapos ng ilang taon, kaya ka pala nyang ipagpalit? malakas lang kasi loob mong makipag break dahil akala mo hahabulin ka pa nya. kala mo lang yun.
truth pala ah. truth my ass. for once aagree ako sayo, at aapir pa. magaling ka ngang magsinungaling. sobrang galing, pati sarili mo niloloko mo.
wala kong pakialam kung anumang dahilan mo. masaya na tayong lahat. manahimik ka na.
[[last pahabol]]
konti na nga lang english sa site mo, hindi mo pa naperfect. walang word na humbleness. humility meron pa.
*sorry guys, can't resist eh. 
tama na nga. hihi
kanina, habang nagtetext:
ako: naapektuhan ka pa ba? yung totoo. hindi naman ako magagalit kasi maintindihan ko naman.
daddy: hindi. napatunayan ko naman na hindi sya ang best lover (kung hindi nyo sya kilala, mababaduyan kayo. pero ganyan talaga sya magsalita eh. sweet masyado. )
ako: talaga? kasi kung di ka apektado, then i shudn't be rin pala.
daddy: masasaktan lang ako kung ikaw ang gagawa nun sakin.
that shut me up. haha.
when i say i'm happy, i say that not to spite anyone. i'm happy with him because in spite of all his shortcomings, he tries his best to change--just for me. and that is something an almost three-year relationship wasn't able to do. so yeah, aside from being, loyal-to-the-bone, sugar-sweet, and driven by his ambitions, it makes me feel good that he tries--just for me. so i try for him too. and guess what? he's actually improving. he's improved a lot. he can manage his anger better now, and he's still the sweetest boyfriend in the world. and we have learned to build a life apart from our pasts, and we are happy living in it.
and to my tabs friends, i know i've been rude tonight. i'm sorry. i couldn't just stand by and let the big mamo walk all over my boyfriend. i know, it seems like pumatol narin ako. well, ganun talaga. di naman ako prinses, pa-prinsesa pa lang. nyahahaha. saka isa pa, mild pa nga yan. pramis.
-------------------------------------
