Paradise Philippines

nitong nakaraang buwan, naisip ko na maraming interesanteng tao sa Makati.

scene 1

habang naglalakad ako papunta sa office ni mommy pagtapos ng final interview, may isang mama na bagamat kayumanggi eh alam kong hindi pinoy (may traces of kamestisuhan kasi) ang lumapit sakin:

mamang hindi pinoy (mhp): excuse me, do you know where PNB building is?
camz: no, sorry
mhp: how about the HBC building?
camz: no
mhp: are you applying for a call center?
camz: yes i am,
mhp: i can help you
camz: no i already got accepted
mhp: ah you got accepted, where?
camz: there in people support
mhp: in the blue building?
camz: yeah
mhp: oh i have a friend there
camz: huh?
mhp: a friend, an american friend
camz: ok.
mhp: asdfofldjflsdjfv (diko naintindihan)
camz: what?
mhp: do you have some spare coins? i need to get home
camz: um, no, sorry.

hindi ko alam kung nagimprove na ang mga pulubi dahil fluent na sila sa english o humirap ang pilipinas dahil kahit foreigner namumulubi.

scene 2

habang naghihintay sa lobby para sa job offer, isang mga 20 something na lalake ang lumilingon-lingon na parang may hinahanap. lumapit sya samin ni sweetheart at nag tanong:

mamang lumilingon (ML): [insert interrogating tone here] job offer ka na?
camz: um, oo
ML: anong tinanong sa final interview
camz: um..
ML: ilang araw bago ka tinawagan?
camz: (tanong kay sweetheart) ilan nga ba? um, mga two days
ML: ah two days. anong tinanong?
camz: more on resume naman
ML: ano pa?
camz: ah, mga expectations ganun
ML: tapos? anong sinasabi pag hindi natanggap?
camz: ah, hindi ko alam eh.
ML: sinasabi ba pag hindi natanggap?
camz: um.. hindi yata.. by email yata..
ML: ah by email
[[tinawag na yung pangalan ko]]
camz: *hay salamat..*

kumusta naman ang pangiimbestiga nya? lol.

scene 3:

habang pumipirma ng contract, may pina check na health history chuvaness dun. may isang option na "overweight or underweight by fifteen pounds, yes/no". sabi ng katabi ko:

katabi: overweight ba ko?
camz:  ah, hindi ko alam eh.
katabi: overweight yata ako.
camz: ...
katabi: baka magalit sila kasi overweight ako.
camz: hindi naman siguro.
katabi: ok.

gawin daw ba kong weighing scale?

i loooovvvee you sweetheart!

i know how a lot of people look down on call center jobs, and i can't really say that i'm totally ok with that. no offense meant, but when people go all "call center? yak, yoko dun" all i can hear is their egos talking. in all due fairness however, i must include that some might've been influenced by others, and simply adapted the common notion regarding call center jobs. still, knowing this does not prevent me from feeling mutinous whenever i hear these kinds of reactions. yeah i'm biased. so sue me.

three things from me: 1, it's not as simple as it looks. the main work is much lighter than other jobs, but it's not a brain-deadening task as some people make it out. 2, i will be the bread winner of our small family. i have to start earning right away. i don't have time for my ambitions (come to think of it, fame never really mattered much to me). i haven't even started working yet and my first salary's no longer mine. i'm not pitying myself either, i'm just saying it as it is. call centers pay a lot of money, and that's a fact that no one can deny. and it's the fastest way to my real dreams. what those are, i'd rather keep them private. 3, i belive that no job is really beneath me. nor do i think that anyone has a right to look down upon any job. coz that will be just pure ego. the real deal is how much you persevere to do your job well.

yun lang, bow.

hindi naman ako masyadong eksayted magentry these days eh no?

now that everything's (hopefully) gonna work out, i think i can feel properly sad and sentimental about graduation. considering how close i came to not graduating, i think i kinda deserve this little post. though i still have a few things left to smooth over.

well, this school year brought a lot of changes in my life. i've always been a one-track minded person, and i tend to cling on to what is familiar. this attitude prevented me from stepping out of my safe zones and i really, really regret it now. i think of all the could've been great friendships with my other classmates and former classmates, and a lot of time has been wasted.

i made a lot of new friends this year. i'm so fond of people i never even thought about before. so, just because i feel like it, i wanna say some things to my new friends:

MITCHI labs ka namin. though we only got close through our blogs. thankful ako kasi kahit papano, we got to know each other a little better. and sana we'll keep the strings attatched. we never really know, baka magkaroon pa tayo ng chance na mas maging close.

KATE classmate since hs, pero ngayon lang tayo mejo naging close. thankful din ako sayo, and i don't think i need to mention why. kung ano man naging misunderstandings natin dati, eh wala na yun for me, sana for you din.

NINA kahit madalas mo ko niloloko, ayos lang. kasi ngayon lang tayo nagbiruan kahit four years tayo magkasama. super good luck sa magiging baby mo, and good luck sa future endeavors. dimo alam, sobrang hanga ako sa naging desisyon mo regarding your baby. maraming iba na mas gugustuhing wag ituloy yun. pero para sakin, a baby is always a blessing. and i think you'll agree.

ACE sa mga trips to Quiapo, sa mga pirated cds, sa pagkinig sa mga hinaing ko. lahat yun, pinagpapasalamat ko sayo. good luck sa career, kahit alam kong hindi mo naman kelangan. sana umabot ka for suma. pero kahit magna, congrats na. apir.

JC dami na natin napagkwetuhan dahil lagi ka naming nakakasalubong. hindi ka na pumasok, hinayupak ka. salamt din sa mga tawanan sa mga libreng books, sa pag introduce samin ng mga bagong makakakinan. miss na kita kupal. keep in touch ka sana.

JO, CHARSA, JESSA, STAR sobrang thanks sa kindness na pinakita nyo samin. nanghihinayang ako dahil kelan lang tayo nagkaron ng chance na magkasamasama. nahihiya nga kami sa inyo kasi parang wala naman kaming nacocontribute, tapos kayo sobrang bigay ng bigay samin. yaan nyo, makakabawi rin kami. labs namin kayo, pramis.

FUFU and TEL basta, thank you. mamimiss ko kayo shet. basta, we'll keep in touch. so sweldo natin, hehehe. alabsyu. mwa.

ARJ hoy, wag ka mayabang ah. malapit lang inquirer sa people support. hinay hinay sa kalandian. wehehehehe. miss ko na trips to españa natin. thanks dahil nandyan ka for us lalo na nung mga panahong magulo. labs na labs kita.

KIM peborits seatmate din kita! buti na nga lang at magkatabi tayo ng upuan lagi, dahil nagkaron tayo ng chance ng magbonding. alabyu.

RCON ang dakilang kakampi ko, lalo na dati. hehe. mamimiss kita.

sa lahat ng iba ko pang classmates. thanks thanks thanks. happy graduation.

[[edit]]

dati nafrustrate ako kasi .20 something nalang, DL nako. so mag imagine kayo kung gaano ang frustration ko ngayon dahil .05 nalang, DL nako.

galit ako sa isang taong mababang magbigay ng grade. hmp.

NG MGA MANUNULAT

"Ang mga manunulat ay biktima ng isang sumpa na para sa karaniwang tao ay ligo lang ang katapat."

-Bob Ong, Stainless Longganisa

habang pilit kong nilalabanan ang antok sa isang klase, pinahiram ako ng classmate kong si Kate ng kanyang kopya ng Stainless Longganisa. buti nalang, kasi mejo papunta na ko sa dreamland ng mga panahong yon. nag-offer naman akong balutan ng plastic cover ang mga books nyang Bob Ong bilang kapalit. oo na, napakasama ko dahil hindi ako nakikinig sa leksyon namin, magtataka pa ba kayo kung bakit lagi nalang bitin ang average ko para maging DL. aba, eh kesa naman tuluyan nakong makatulog no? lesser evil, kumbaga. haha.

nagustuhan ko naman. sa pagkakaintindi ko, ang ibig sabihin nya sa Stainless Longganisa ay bolpen. Sa mga unang pahina ng librong yun, may timeline ng mga bolpen na ginamit ni Bob Ong sa buong buhay nya. ewan ko na lang kung talagang tinandaan nya yun o pauso nya lang, pakialam ko ba. ang kabuuan ng libro ay tungkol sa mga manunulat, at tungkol sa kasaysayan ng mga libro ni Bob Ong (kaya nga Stainless Longganisa eh, duh). naaliw naman ako. si Bob Ong lang ang katangi-tanging tagalog writer na nagustuhan ko (wala, share lang).

maraming reaksyon ang nakukuha ni Bob Ong sa mga sinusulat nya. sa palagay, ito'y marahil lahat ng sinusulat nya ay may kakayahangan mapag-isip ang kung sinumang bumabasa nito. ito nga ang pinakanagustuhan ko sa mga sinusulat nya. sige nga, kayo, naisip niyo na ba na kung nagkaputol-putol ang katawan ninyo, sino sa mga parteng yon ang ikaw pa rin? kung naputol ang braso mo, hindi na ba ikaw yung braso na yun?

isa sa mga takot ko sa kursong kinuha ko eh ang matulad na lang sa mga ibang writer--yung sumusulat ng wala naman naaapektuhan. walang impact. walang kwenta.

sa ilang ulit na napahamak ako sa mga naisulat ko dito sa blog ko, nakakainis pero nakakatuwang malaman na kahit papano, may nagrereact sa mga inilalabas ng utak ko. nagpapatunay na kahit gaano kaliit, may kaunting kapangyarihan ang bawat salitang binibitiwan ko.

sabi ni Bob Ong, ang mga manunulat ay biktima ng isang sumpa na para sa ibang tao, isang ligo lang ang katapat. sa tingin ko naman eh tama sya. hindi napapakali ang mga writer hangga't hindi nila naisusulat ang mga gusto nilang sabihin (alam ko yan, kasi ganyan si switart ). at pagkatapos naman nila yung ilabas, maari silang puriin, kamuhian, kaiggitan, isumpa dahil sa mga nasabi nila.

pero bakit nga naman ako hihingi ng paumanhin sa mga matatayog na ereng nasasagasaan ko? ang importante eh may nakukuha ako/kaming reaksyon. may mga taong sumasang-ayon. may mga taong naapektuhan. may napapaisip. may tinutubuan ng pakialam (sabi rin yang lahat ni Bob Ong).

dahil dito namin masusukat kung gaano kaepektibo ang kapangyarihan ng aming pagsulat. di ba? apir.

OF ANGER 

of all the kinds of power in the world, there is one kind that is, in my opinion, the most dangerous of all.

this kind of power shape-shifts into many forms, assumes a lot of faces. the rebellion of a teenager. the anguish of woman raped in the woods. the greed of pseudo-friends who wants to have everything. the jealousy of a devoted wife. the unfaithfulness of an uncontented husband. the revenge of a rejected lover.

this kind of power is the kind that fools you into thinking that you control it. that you use it. but in reality, it consumes you. it controls you. it seeps into every vein of your body. it flows from your heart, to your eyes, to your mind, to your hands. you are blinded by it. you are obsessed by it. you are a slave of it.

the power of anger.

the power of rage.

everything you do proves how right the opinion of everyone around us is.

sa sobrang dami ng beses na umepal ka, pag hindi ka umeepal, namimiss kita.

natatawa na lang ako sayo/sa kanya/sa kanila.

i love you sweetheart.

matanda na ko.

my birthday this year is probably the best birthday in all of my 21 years. that's saying something, coz my birthdays are usually.. catastrophic.

last night, my mom came home with a big plastic of my favorite kind of seafood- crabs- as a birthday gift. she said those crabs were homosexual, and i thought she was joking, but it turned out that it was true. although i did ask why they thought they were gay, since they could also be lesbians. she just shrugged and went on eating a crab-arm. those crabs were really something. they flailed and fought and tried to jump out of the pot and i was so scared they'd get away and bite me that i screamed. haha. i overate again, haha, no wonder my jeans no longer fit me.

this morning, sweetheart greeted me with a big smile.  he gave me three presents: one from tito jojie (a green water bottle that i need for when i start working), one from tita love (a ceramic candle holder in my favorite color with scented oil anf potpourri [?]), and one from him. A pink Care Bear, whom i named Strawberry. she's sitting on my lap right now, and her daddy's right behind me.

and last night, i got a little greeting from my other loved ones. call me a superstitious freak or whatever, but i really do believe that our loved ones who passed away use insects to sometimes send us messages, perhaps to remind us that they are watching over us. a tiny, light brown moth landed on my left arm last night. i guess it was my siblings' way of greeting me (i have four dead siblings, btw. a girl and three boys. i was supposed to be the third child). and sweetheart told me that a firefly also flew over them while they were sleeping last night, and it woke him up. i like to believe that my loved ones are entrusting me to him. this thought really makes me happy. pagbigyan niyo nako, berdey ko naman.

thanks to my classmates and friends and tabulas friends who greeted me. i really, really, appreciate that. thanks guys. i love you all.

PS. i love you sweetheart. no need to make a record. you already did, (almost) seven months ago. i'm the happiest girl when i'm with you.

first off, CONGRATULATIONS to all the graduates of 2006. apir tayo jan. 

baccalaureate mass was simply beautiful. imagine the feeling of finally being free, and you stand in the middle of a dark field on a monoblock chair and hundreds of glow lights were dancing in your eyes and hundreds of candles are floating before you.

this moment cannot be bought.

and the fireworks. rai was right. it's seldom when you can see your tuition fee get so high up in the sky. reds. greens. oranges. blues. pinks. those tiny explosions rose before us, and no word could describe the way it felt.

i'm gonna miss my friends. fufu's laugh. tel's paranoia. arjay's growls. ace's cd mania. jc's stories. jo's tuna rice. charsa's high-pitched curses. starr's cute things. jessa's grade consciousness. mitchi's, well, just mitchi. kate's teasing.

and the greatest bestest friends in the world. you. and you.

i'll even miss our professors. i will miss late night chats in the middle of the field with joey. mini stop trips with mitch. quiapo escapades with ace. overnights over at kuya reagan's. my seatmate kim. the freaky comfort rooms. the lights at lover's lane.

everything. i will miss everything.

i've been a lousy blogger this week. but we're so busy these days that i literally had no time to blog. we're writing for a new magazine.

the perks of being a writer: you get to interview big shots and sometimes even celebrities. that is kind of cool, you have to admit. and of course, the glory of seeing your name in print. i'm supposed to interview an award-winning photographer, George Cabig, this afternoon, so wish me luck. just to give you an idea of how totally clueless i am, i thought he was a musician until i looked him up in the internet. haha.

i'm gonna look for a grad dress this afternoon too. so wish me luck for that as well.

i am dying to change my layout (yes, again). i have this layout design floating in my head and i am simply restless.

ah, time. it's eluding me these days.

it's our 7th monthsary last 22nd. time really flies.

7 months. seven months. sometimes i still can't believe it. there were some people way back who said/thought/wished that he was just using me. that i was just fooling around with him. we proved them wrong, sweetie. yay for us. i love you.

[[PROUD GF MOMENT, bring out your barf bags, haha]]

he got published. again. wow. *drools*

he's so smart.

i let you get to me too much. and that ends here. enough said.

(PERSONAL RANTS, please ignore)