Paradise Philippines

10 years ago: Grade 4 ako. Last year sa Sta. Isabel College. Napag initan ako ng adviser ko. emotional/mental harassment. eh engot si Camz, hindi nagsusumbong. kaya yun. lumipat nalang ako ng school.

5 years ago: 15 years old. got my first boyfriend. fell in love. first kiss. first heartbreak. my parents split up. we moved from Caloocan to somewhere. became a rebel. let my grades slip. got 70 for conduct. bad girl. bad, bad girl.

1 year ago: trapped in arelationship with someone i don't/can't love. still harboring some feelings for an old flame. met someone who i thought was perfect but as it turned out, he was candy coated and he festered inside. may he rot in hell. herher.

yesterday: happy day. did everything i could to make him smile. to make him happy. post it notes. midnight calls. bought a Gtec pen. comforted Jhoey. 

tomorrow: supposed to go to Rob Galleria with him. not so sure now.

5 snacks i enjoy:
- Mister Chips
- lugaw
- champorado
- barbeque
- foot long hot dog

5 bands/artists that i know the lyrics to most of their songs:
- sponge cola
- hale
- parkoya ni edgar
- coldplay
- wala na eh.

5 things i would do with $100,000,000:
- buy a house
- mag tayo ng apartment
- mag tayo ng internet cafe
- pang tayo ng isang charity organization
- pangliwaliw

5 locations i would like to run away to:
- Paris
- California
- Palawan
- Caleruega
- kahit saang church

5 bad habits i have:
- cursing
- hot tempered
- walk out lagi
- over all pasaway
- touchy daw

5 things i like doing:
- surf ng net
- blogging
- mag drawing
- mag layout ng mga websites
- nag eedit ng pics sa photoshop

5 things i will never wear (or wear again):
- bikini
- mini skirt
- actually kahit anong skirt
- mid rib
- makislap na damit yoko nun!

5 tvshows i like(d):
- gilmore girls
- rugrats
- spongebob
- pimp my ride
- boiling points

5 movies i like:
- my sassy girl 
- never been kissed
- mean girls
- minority report
- 50 first dates

5 people i'd like to meet (alive or dead):
- brad pitt
- jeon ji-hyun
- george clooney 
- yael
- wala na

5 biggest joys at the moment:
- him
- my friends
- my mom
- my doggies
- my blog

5 favorite toys:
- terry (my turtle)
- my pups

- la na
- wala
- wala

5 people that i pick to do this thing:
- tel
- fufu
- hanne
- Lo
- tal

**disappointed ako.

ang payat ko na.

yung unang pic, nung Paskuhan last year. yung pangalawang pic, July of this year. ang payat ko na. magpapataba na ko ulit.

pero kahit na. t@ngn@, kahit payat ako, bat kaya ang ganda ko???

BWAHAHAH. ang sumang-ayon, maganda/pogi din.

"binasura" na daw yung Impeachment complaint. galeng. now here's a little tongue twister for all of you.

binasura ng basurang gobyerno ang kabasubasurang Lozano complaint.

ayos. sama-sama na sila sa trash can ngayon.

while i was searching for an old letter sent to me by a classmate way back in first year, i realized something. several things actually.

first, like jhoey, i am such an incurable pack rat. i hate throwing anything away. as i sifted through my collection of old, old letters, i found old candy wrappers and even useless, meaningless notes passed between Jhoey, Chloe, Hanne, and i that says hoy putangina san tayo kakain mamaya and debates on wether or not we should eat again in Jollibee were still there. the difference between me and Jhoey, however, is that she is an organized pack rat and i'm, well, not. the things i collect are like, all over the place. herher.

second thing i realized is that Jhoey, Chloe, Hanne and I were like, addicted to writing one another, even if we all sat next to each other. from simple letters saying hoy mukhang inaantok ka na ah! awabyu! to complicated boy/family/acads/life problems-- they were all there. in a way, those letters were like proof of our friendship. it's just a little sad that we've kind of outgrew these stuff.

but it's kinda cool to realize that in four freaking years, we never outgrew one another.

i spent the whole of last Sunday with him. we kind of lost track of time while we were reading books in Powerbooks and National.

i accompanied him to ABS-CBN, then we walked all the way from there to SM North. he couldn't believe it when i told him "lakarin nalang natin!". he kept saying, "hindi nga? malayo yun. seryoso ka?" to which i lovingly replied "sinabi ng okay lang eh bat ba ang kulit mo?"

-hot tempered camz here-

wehehehe joke lang. we walked and walked and walked while singing at the top of our voices (never mind that we were both horribly off key), raced against each other not giving a damn about who was looking at us or what they may be thinking (he won by the way). we talked. laughed. fooled around. he picked an orange flower off someone's yard and he gave it to me. i tucked it in my right ear, causing people to look at me funny (which i hate) so i just took it off. but i kept it. pack rat remember? it's something i'm gonna stick in my journal.

i met his parents. they were nice. and i kind of saw some of his mannerisms in his dad. like the nose touching thing.

all in all, it was a nice day. naunahan mo ko magkwento. hehe. thanks for that day.

love you! mwa!

napag usapan namin ng mga prens poreber ang mga username. at ito ang aming napag alaman.

username ni hanne --> hannetipatika
username ni fufu     --> angela_fufu
username ni tel       --> kinkytelogy
username ni arjay   --> monk_of_death
username ni Lo       --> iamkarlo

at ako

username ni camz   --> camz

ang creative ko no?

while we were sitting in BRB (a carinderia in V. Conception) with our orders in front of us, a waitress came to us to give us our spoons and forks. she came, looked at us, and said:

dalawa ba kayo?

to which, we replied "ah, eh opo" while trying hard not to laugh. i tell you, i was tempted like hell to retort "ay hindi, mukha lang kaming dalawa." but of course, we just looked at each other and laughed.

patawa si ate.

last Friday, i came home to find a cute, tiny-faced brown little puppy in the cage where i used to keep Chuckie and Kimmi when they were babies. I named her Lucy, after the Beatles song Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds, my favorite song for the moment. yeah yeah yeah i was influenced by him. whatever.

anyway, she was so tiny and boy, she really does know how to throw a tantrum. if ever there's a dog that's in extreme danger of being spoiled, it's Lucy. i can't seem to resist giving in to her cries (she cries whenever i go out) and to her tiny pleading face. i'm such a bad mommy. 

i'm beginning to really get attatched to this litlle cutie. i mean, it's hard not to. i was surprised when our neighbor told us that she saw little Lucy in our window,  trying to get out. and our window was about 4 feet high. who knows how she managed that. she could climb up and down our sofas, something which took Kimmi months to learn and something which Chuckie still can't do. and she's got guts, too. Kimmi was trying to bully her and was snapping her jaws at her face, she just barked and fought back and Kimmi ran away. hahaha. Lucy is about 1/4 of Kimmi's size. funny.

we have 3 babies na.

right this very moment, i feel like no one could be as happy as me. and everyone who knows me well wouldn't have to ask why.

haven't updated for quite a while. gah.

TUESDAY, September 13

i used to wish non-stop for someone who would give me a perfect day, the kind in which you would wish for time to stop, when you would feel that time have stopped, until the lights go out and you realize that you were the only ones left in the whole freaking University (except for the guards of course) and the perfect day is over all too soon.

WEDNESDAY, September 14

the ABS-CBN Studio Tour was a complete waste of our 110 bucks, if not for the fact that we laughed ourselves crazy over oompa-loompa jokes (with Mitch), over Fufu and her brand-new, tagalog-speaking, Arabian looking partner "Araton", over anything we find actually.

we wanted to go to Fiesta Carnival but it turned out that they were only open during weekends so we were all dripping wet with rain when we went back to Gateway to just window shop instead.

THURSDAY, September 15

my mom's birthday. she came home really happy because they gave her a surprise party, with catering and surprise guests and a penis-shaped cake. herher. too bad i didn't get to see it.

we watched Salinggawi's pre-competition show in the gym. damn they were good. kind of reminded me of the movie bring it on, because well, our cheering team's really at the top and our basketball team's like, down in the dumps. i liked gawi's routine last year much better but still they were pretty good so i think they have a pretty good chance.

we finished our column for sports writing early, which means that we got a plus for submitting in advance. he is a good influence on me, i tell you.

FRIDAY, September 16

i kind of realized that very few people really understands me. but it's okay. i was kind of expecting it. i just wish that they would try to at least understand, if not accept, the changes that are happening. although i really couldn't blame them, i hardly tell them anything at all, so they really wouldn't understand. still.

tangina bat ang bano ko ng sumulat. leche.

have you seen that soap commercial (i can't remeber what brand) where this group of "friends" gather round a TV watching a video of a wedding, i think, and trying to guess if their "friend" who was in the video is still as beautiful as she was then, and their "friend" came and they were all surprised that she still looked beautiful?

talk about shallow. pfft.

i don't know why but seeing that suddenly really irked me. this is the kind of ads that furthers the already corrupted mentality of our society regarding beauty. like having laugh lines is such a terrible fate that they must, under all circumstances, prevent and/or spend ridiculous sums of money to get rid of. it's one thing to fix yourself up to be presentable, but it's another thing entirely to be so obsessed about it.

my opinions may be Utopian, idealist, screwed, whatever. i think it's just the norms of the society. and the norms of society, for me, is always fun screwing. coz if i don't, the norms of the society will screw me.

on the other hand, i totally love Chippy's commercials. whoever thought of them, you are one funny person. i swear.

da best yung tear here band na commercial eh. wahahah.

yesterday, Lo and I went to his cousin's (Migs) house. we asked to use their PC for the day so I could start layouting our Sports Journ mag.

I got to meet his aunt (tita Julie), uncle (tito Ace), Migs's sister (Nikki) and Migs's girlfriend (Kath). Migs, i know you're going to read this. please extend my gratitude to your family.. for the pc, for the food, for your kindness. apir. pakabait ka na. para tambay na ulit tayo sa Friday. hehe.

we ate (loads of) Japanese food, Japanese way, too. meaning, we all used chopsticks. herher. except Lo. nag kutsara. madaya. mas madami syang nakain tuloy. hehehe. at nagpanggap pa. ayaw na daw nya. tapos maya maya, kumuha rin ulit. hehehe.

busog na busog ako kahapon. biruin niyo, hindi pa tuluyang nadigest ng tyan ko yung kinain namin, kakain nanaman. bali, lunch, merienda (pasta) and dinner, kumain kami ng madaming madami. tapos pag uwi ko, may dalang chicken si mommy. one whole. gusto kong umiyak nung nakita ko. syempre, pag diko kinain yung magtatampo si mommy. kaya kahit grabe na sa laki yung tiyan ko, kain nanaman. naalala ko nga si fufu. parang nareregurgitate nako. wehehe.

masaya kami. nakilala ko na yung family ni Migs. saka nakapunta nako dun sa lagi nila pinapag partyhan. naki bonding rin. mabait silang lahat. tawa kami ng tawa. hehehe.

swithart, thanks for bringing me there. i had such a nice time with you, and with them. labyu!

Riz was right. some things really are beyond blogging. and this day is one of those days that i feel so happy i can't think of anything to say.

all i can think of is thanking God and the forces of whatever's controlling our fates for bringing us together.

thanks to everyone who greeted us.

to tita Lab and tito Jie (his parents).

to hanne, fufu, tel, corrs, jaycee, arjay (kahit di naman sya bumati, hehe), kuya reagan, maam mamawal, at sa classmate ko na bumati ng "happy first month duration" dahil ayaw nya ng word na "monthsary" (at ayaw nya rin magpa banggit sa blog).

and basically to everyone who's been telling us that they're kinikilig because of us or that we look good together, or squealed or smiled when they found out that we're together.

thanks so much. it's easier to be happy when people are happy for you.

and thanks to you. thanks for fulfilling all of my dreams and secret wishes. i really couldn't say enough to express just how happy you make me.

i love you. happy 1st monthsary, swithart.. mmmwa!

here's my (pathetic) shot at writing a very short, fiction story. my first try, so tell me what you think of it alright? here it goes.

***

the sun is burning my eyes. i'm waiting for him.

we meet in secret places. places where we are just one of the many people who washes around us, over us. in places where no one would spare us even a glance. places where it is just him and me.

in a dark corner of a disco club. in the cool six-seat booths of our favorite coffee house. in the last pew of a church. in the lobby of a mall. where the waves crash into the shore. in his black, shiny car. in a musty motel room where i feel as dirty as the sheets.

is it wrong to gather these moments and play them all, one by one at night, when i am in my bed? to continue these illicit rendezvous just so i could see your face? to smile and laugh and giggle like young courted girls do when they think of lovers yet to come? to race accross the polluted streets of manila with you just a breath away, and me staring at your lips and supressing the urge to press mine against them? to lay under you, feeling your shaft slide between my legs, unable to reverse the flow of my blood, the drumming of my heart? is it wrong to spend a few moments with you, pretending that there is no one in the world but us? pretending that we are just another pair lovers, normal like everyone else?

the sun is setting, and the stars are coming out one by one. like the way we always end our day, i slam the door of your car and listen to the screech of its wheels as you drove away, and i stare at you until my eyes water and i have no choice but to look away.

i would have stayed inside. i would have stayed with you. i would have held you and stared in your eyes forever.

but i knew you had to go back to your wife, and i, to our son.

***

sweetheart, here's my story that you've been asking for. hinay hinay sa pag edit ha. labyu.

we know that bathroom doors are the ultimate victims of "undisciplined" students who must express their angst-- thru vandalism. and among all of the vandilisms i've read in my life, the funniest i've seen so far is this:

"fight poverty! kill the poor!"

-AB girls bathroom, 2nd floor. harharhar.

a thought that struck me while watching PBB last night (for no apparent reason):

minsan, mas okay yung alam mong wala kang alam, kesa mag akala ka na alam mo na ang lahat.

in spite of the constant fear gripping my heart at the thought that i will fail one of my classes this semester (given that we have the most brilliant, but horrid, professors), Maam Mamawal gave me (in the form of returned paperworks) a little inspiration.

i got 80 (profile) , 88 (column), 88 (milo marathon), and 95 (manny pacquaio column). not bad for someone who did it in the morning of the deadline (except the manny pacquiao column). i am such a crammer.  boo.

still. it kind of given me the necessary uplift that i need to pick myself up from this overwhelming pool of despair. wahaha. drama.

and funny how i started getting higher grades after we became  "us". i guess, in a way, i want him to be proud of me.