it's not very good. in fact it looks like something a 5-yr-old can do. but i needed to take my mind off some things (really dpressing things), and i know that a little scribbling ought to do it. any way. maybe i can do a better version of it someday.
depressed ako sobra. shet.
cute little raindrops. drawing from flash-gear (what else?). hay. kinakarir ko na ito. 
please go here. okay ba? hihi.
and if you want to see a playback of it, go here.
got this from meri
The Rules:
1. Write something about 15 different people.
2. You can NOT say who they are.
3. If someone asks you which one is about them, you can NOT tell.
*ahem*
1. i'm scared of what you might say to me, but i have a feeling that whatever it may be, i'd wind up forgiving you.
2. i realized that you're not worth my care
3. feeling mo lagi kang aagawan ng bf. pfft. wake up, 3 years ago na yun. you have to do something about your deep-seated self-esteem problems.
4. you don't know me well enough to assess that i make my own problems
5. insensitive ka. feeling mo lagi ka nakakatuwa.
6. i miss you friend. i wish you're still here.
7. thanks for always understanding my kapraningan these past 3 years.
8. you're still the best thing that happened to me.
9. bagay kayo ng gf mo. patapon.
10. i love you. thanks for everything.
11. thanks for 15 years worth of friendship
12. sana marealize mo hindi na sya babalik
13. stop being so boy crazy and get a life
14. wag mo sirain buhay mo, you have all your life to be in a band
15. thinking about you is the only way to start my day
whew, this is therapeutic.
he came yesterday. and we talked. he told me some things, a few which i expected, and some that was totally unpredictable. we're okay. not stable, but okay.
i've been thinking all night, and although i was terribly hurt by some of the things that he confessed, it was, in many ways, a great relief. and i've decided to stick with my original decision and stay with him. even if we both needed the time and space, and the future of our relationship is totally unguaranteed.
he told me everything, and it amazed me to realize that for all his flaws and mistakes, i love him more for telling me. but we're still in a kind of starting over phase.
anyway. here's a drawing for the summer.
i do nothing but draw these days, a clear sign that i should wake up and try to get a life. haha.
no one can blame me though. i'm an only child (cheers, wynette, *wink*), and at home i have no one to talk to and nothing to do except watch my puppies tumble and play. and i'm too lazy to do such tiring jobs as sweeping the floor or polishing surfaces. hehe.
anyway--
i went with my mom to her office today so that i could take advantage of their pc, and so far i have to say that Adobe Illustrator is DA BOMB.. it is by far the easiest program i ever used, as far as illustrations are concerned anyway.
anyway, since i started drawing in computers, i realized that it is a little bit like photography-- it's beauty lies in the message and how subtle you can make it seen. except, of course, in photography, you record and existing object, or scene, and in drawing you have to use your imagination.
if i get anything done today, i'll post them next time.
all this asian novelas make it seem that all it takes is a poor but nice, brave, and funny girl to change an aloof bachelor and their love would make the world spin happily around.
pfft.
kung hindi lang maiksi pa buhok ko, malamang, chinop chop ko nanamn to.
gusto ko palitan layout ko.
yesterday, after days of bugging my mom for a new notebook, i finally bought it. syempre ets penk. and as usual, it's for my journal.
haha, i know, i'm too old to still keep a journal, but wtf? i'm a writer, writing keeps me sane (or semi-sane, rather). besides, having a journal (a real one, not like this blog) offers a different kind of comfort altogether. there are some things that you can share and in fact, you want others to read about, even total strangers, because relating to others makes you feel, well, more normal. and also, there are some things that are better kept to one's self.
and besides, i want to keep a more tangible journal, one that my kids and grandkids and great grandkids would dig up from some old box one day and say "ew! grandma's so baduy!". it's a way of making yourself immortal, as some might think of.
gusto ko pa sana magkwento, pero, wala na ko sa mood. nekstaym na lang. 
amour fol
(crazy love)
i felt my heart stop as i saw your fist approach, and within contact, blood gushed out of my lips, forming warm crimson rivers down my neck.
your hand collided with my cheek, and i collapsed from the blow. my sweat and blood mixed with my tears, and even as you threw me away from your body, i reached out to you, begging you to hold me-- seeking solace from the very person who has caused my pain.
i wanted to lash out, to hurt you as you've hurt me, but as i looked at your face, i saw not the angry lines and flaming eyes, but the sweet face of the person i adored and loved for many days. the features of a person who even as you administered your final, fatal blow, will remain my most cherished memory.
you stood over me, and i cannot understand why i wasn't dying, since my heart is in your hands. my vision blurred, and i looked up at you. and for a moment i remembered us the way we have been-- trading sweet summer kisses and fresh young giggles before the setting sun, dreaming together and forming our lives with whispered promises and the sweat of our hands.
and then i let you go.
-camz-
she used to be the favorite, and now she's all alone.
i let my mom drag me off to Nirvana (a club along Gil Puyat) last night. party people wer all around me, the music was blaring and the lights were flashing, and i was just.. not into it.
it was so not my scene. tanggap ko na na talagang hindi ako pang-gimik. if anything, my red and black formfitting halter top was completely wasted on me. i did dance though, twice maybe but it was just to stop my mom from bugging me and i had to chant inside my head "no one's watching me, no one's watching me, no one's watching me" (which is probably true anyway) so i could get through it.
ayaw ko naman talagang sumama dun. mas gusto ko pang manood ng nickelodeon, national geographic, o hbo kaysa nagpagod sa maingay na lugar na yun. sayang wala kaming cable. bwahahaa! ang kulit kasi ni mommy. nakakaloka eh. ganito ang naganap:
ANG PILITAN:
mommy: sumama ka samin bukas mag disco
ako: ayoko anong gagawin ko dun
mommy: sumama ka
ako: may pasok ako
mommy: ako din naman
ako: iwan nalang ako
mommy: sumama ka ang boring ng buhay mo
ako: 
lingid sa kaalaman ng aking mommy, minsan na akong nakapunta sa bar na yun upang mag pacute at ipakita sa isang ex-boyfriend na napakaganda ng babaeng pinakawalan nya. nyahaha.
ayaw ko talagang sumama. but you know, as we entered the dark, smoky club and i saw the table we all sat at a year or so ago, it was impossible not to smile. looking back, it all seems kind of silly now. akalain nyong nagaksaya ako ng enerhiya para lang patunayan na hindi ako apektado? haha, pero ang totoo naman eh hanggat may gusto kang patunayan, apektado ka parin.
anyway. balik tayo sa NIRVANA. nakakaloka ang club na to. madami akong narealize:
1. Makapal mag-make up ang mga dancers. pramis. naloka talaga ako. muntik ko na nga sabihin, layout ko ikaw ba yan? parang maskara eh! na culture shock ako. pramis. kaya pala hindi nahihiya magsasasayaw sa stage sa harap ng pagkadami daming tao kahit ga-panyo lang ang suot nila, eh ipupusta ko tabulas ko, pag tinanggal nila yung make up na yun, hindi naman sila makikilala. isa pa, naisip ko rin bakit ba ganun ang suot nila? hindi ba sila makakasayaw pag kumpleto tela ng damit nila? siguro sasabihin ng iba, because that is what will sell. eh kung gayun, they're not dancers, they are decorations, to be displayed and looked at by men looking for a hookup.
2. nakakatawa ang jacket na hanngga dodo lang. totoo, natawa ako. completely missing the point. kaya ka nga nag jacket para mainitan. baka lalo ka pneumoniahin pag sinuot mo yung ganung jacket. mga pauso talaga ng tao oh.
3. Masayang mag people watch. oo. talaga naman naaliw ako. eh iba't iba pala ang klase ng sumasayaw sa mga club. may pa-demure, may bigay-todo-as-in, may pa-cute, may gigiling-giling, marami! nakakaloka talaga.
4. mahilig mag-ulit ng salita ang singers ng live band. na-realize ko rin yan. lagi silang nag-uulit ng salita, tulad ng "yeah, yeah", "uh, uh", o kaya naman eh "kamon, kamon". naloka talaga ako.
5. may slow dance pala sa disco. akalain niyo yun? yun lang ata ang bar na napuntahan ko na may slow dance. sabagay, yun lang naman ang bar na napuntahan ko sa buong autobiography ko. bwahaha. two guys asked me to dance (whom i danced with out of courtesy) but neither was my type and i must admit, i pretended to be dancing with.. um, with someone else while i was dancing with them. sama ko! haha!
ayun. iinom sana ako, pero naduwag nanaman ako. hay. Chloe pag umuwi ka dito i swear magdidisco tayo at iinom ako ng tatlong lagok ng beer (beginner pa lang) at isumpa mo sa pamamagitan ng aking blood, hindi ako magpapaka kj at sasayaw tayo hanggang mabutas ang dance floor.
kelangan ko ng magpalit ng sim card. sa lalong madaling panahon.
i must admit, working for the Philippine Graphic, even just an intern really rocks. the people are nice, i'm beginning to warm up and be my usual noisy self.
and seeing the day-to-day routine of the publication somewhat revived my otherwise dying passion for writing.
and today i got my first-ever writing assignment. isn't that cool?? but i don't know what will happen. i'm supposed to do an interview with a politician, and we all know how RELIABLE they are.
this morning a memo from DOJ was faxed to our office, and made my editors utter expletives i've never heard anyone professional say before. according to the memo, all editorials are now supposed to be scrutinized by the MTRCB before publishing.
ah, CENSORSHIP. what is this, martial law? are our dear politicians shaking in their shoes because their stench are wafting up the people's noses, finally realizing how much they stink?
i swear, i almost uttered a creative expletive of my own. which i did inside my head. no wonder journalists are dying out. the more stench they have to hide, the more reporters will find their lives "on the line of fire". what a cowardly move. honestly.
wish me luck guys.
i really do have to admit, working for media do have its perks.
8:00—mr. politician's driver picked me up at 711 Pedro Gil. at about 9:00 we arrived in his home in Las Piñas, and damn was it beautiful. the first thing i noticed was the number of vehicles that they had. i swear, how anyone could have a need for that many luxury cars is beyond me. i was like a kid in a big toy shop—i couldn't stop myself from looking around. he sure loves fishes, that's for sure, i must have counted at least 10 aquariums in there, not including those that were in the fish pond. he has plenty of birds too. i have to admit, i was hell scared to go there (for many different reasons) but hey, i went there, did my interview the best way i could, finished, and lived to tell the tale.
i am happy. i really am. i never thought i would be happy writing but, nothing could compare to the kind of exhilarating high that i got when finished my interview. except maybe if it actually got printed, which i highly doubt, since the contents are kind of, uh, controversial.
really. what more could i ask for? i have my mom, my friends, my tabulas pals *wink*, and my puppies. it's hard to be depressed when my dreams are just beyond my fingertips. i'm gonna be a successful writer/businesswoman, build my dreamhouse, and then i will find my lifemate. or better yet, he will come to find me, we'll have three children (two boys and one girl) and we'll live happily ever after.
herher. bear with me you guys. i'm just.. overexcited.
and thanks to everyone who wished me luck. you rock, guys.
ayaw ko ng bumalik sa UST. i don't know, my heart's just not in it anymore. i think of going back and my spirits sink way, way down.
i'm enjoying work so much. my bosses began to like me and gave me a chance. at first they were reluctant to let me help them because the interns from UST who came before me made a mess in their layouts, and according to them, were such arrogant brats. but i guess, it kind of helped that i instantly go all polite and quiet around new faces, because now they actually let me do most of the proofreading stuff and i got my first assignment (refer to previous entries). they even invited me to apply in their office. but the bad part is they require graduates. damn.
after my experience working with Graphic, school suddenly seemed so.. juvenile. i think i just realized you'll never learn everything in that kind of environment. and grades seemed so trivial now. not that i ever paid a lot of importance to it, herher. i hate to say this, and not that everyone's like this but.. sometimes i feel that school's just full of people who think they're better than everyone else, and i have to admit that sometimes, i'm guilty of this too. though i must point out that in my case it's not quite as brutal. there are those who criticize everything and everyone. i just criticize those who really annoy me. haha. there's something about being all holed up together several hours per day and a few days a week that highlights the differences between students and becomes the source of "i'm annoyed at this person,,blah blah" statements. what did i tell you? juvenile.
but i don't really have a choice. i have to go back there, and i gues i might as well enjoy the last year of being juvenile.
The Philippine flag was first conceptualized by Emilio Aguinaldo. The first flag was sewn in Hong Kong by Marcela de Agoncillo, her daughter Lorenza, and Dona Delfina Herbosa de Natividad, a niece of Jose Rizal, the Philippines' national hero. The flag is displayed with the blue field on top in times of peace, and with the red field on top in times of war. (Source: Wikipedia)
